First, it was my classmate’s thoughts on who I was, then, my teacher’s scolding, and finally, mum’s question. These matters were so huge for me but ahead was my partner who signed to stay through thick and thin. And as fast as I could, I pulled my tired self in, plugged close to mine (my inner world), and shed wild tears with the following questions spreading out,
Was I a nitpicker just as mum and dad said? Was I the same as the new student? Was I being managed by everyone?
While I was still rolling in the pool of my questions, I guess nature won over me, and all I could remember after the experience was my alarm tickling ‘Behold! It’s school time.’
I stood less energetic, did my washing, arranged my bags, and left for school.
Surprisingly, when I got to school, I met my class teacher standing close to the school gate. Right in that same spot, options on what to do clutched me (a)Greet her (b)Apologize (c)Walk away.
Truly, never would I have known what to do but I kept examining what was to be done. While looking for an escape out of this clutched net, a tender pat on my shoulder ushered with a feminine voice said ‘Sel, kindly walk me down to my office’.
Immediately, fear gripped me but my legs moved hastily.
Alas! My teacher was no longer far away, she was right beside me and we were taking a walk down to the same location.
She unhooked her office door, I stepped in, dropped her bags, and was about to leave when she instructed that I sit. (still terrified but I sat). Shortly after I sat, the dialogue began.
My teacher: How are you? How do you do? How is family and especially, you?
Me: Eemm. Ma. I… Ma. (That was how I kept on stuttering until she cuts me in with her bright smile)
And she then speaks, Relax. Breathe in, breathe out. Now, please speak.
Me: I burst into tears and said ‘ma, you said I was intelligent but the world sees me to be quite different even my parents’. These thoughts have been hooking me down. Who exactly am I? The description heard from society has compressed me.
My teacher: Truly, you are intelligent, smart, and strong for holding up to the names you’ve been called. You are a valuable jewel that society can not trade for a common good. Your parents are beginning to see the brighter side of you because the nitpick acts aren’t yours but perfection. One thing I know is that life has its hit-and-miss. And that you’re seen to be different does not make it a danger. Different colors make a rainbow, your existence makes the world colorful.
Make sure, you are seeing everyone in good ways. Interact with your classmates. Do not isolate yourself by disagreeing with everything, and make every day memorable with your family. The care and love expected to be seen in your family can start with you even if no one seems to care about it. The inner world you hold onto isn’t a visible being, stop giving it full access to your well-being. Break ties with it and allow love to flow within you. Sel, don’t cage your to an invisible world, embrace positivity and comfort.
My teacher stood, she hugged me tightly and I saw how now I was going to live rightly.
